Day 1196: Too Much, Too Many

I really wish I had the time to be posting every day/night!  So many things have been happening.  A lot of it has been challenging, difficult, and even painful.

But, a lot of good has come from it all.

HH and I continue to learn and grow and strengthen our bond as we struggle through our trials together.  Baby B is *mostly* potty trained.  I had a really great conversation with someone I love and was able to strengthen the bond there.  The kids have been making me a little crazy with their constant presence, but there have been a lot of really fun moments and great teaching opportunities.

And amidst it all, I decided I really needed to pray for humility.

I know everyone says not to do that.  Because then the trials come.

But, I reached a point where I knew that that was what I truly needed.  Funny how someone who frequently struggles with issues of self-worth can also struggle with pride.  At least, that's what I was thinking.  But, after a trying week, with building heartache, I woke up yesterday morning finally understanding it all a bit better.

It doesn't matter what other people think about me.  What matters is that Heavenly Father loves me.  And humility involves coming to know and understand that love and to love myself accordingly.  Because then the need to compete with everyone else around me melts away.  I can stop feeling inferior to so many people because I can see that our Father in Heaven loves us each equally.  Just as I love my children.  Although, the love and relationship I have with each of my children is individual and unique, I could not point to one and say, "I love this one most, or even more."  Different, but the same.  And I think that is how God sees each of us.  And that love is the only thing I need to trust in.  So, if I'm not inferior to anyone else, I don't need to try and be superior to anyone else, either.

• That understanding brought so much peace after a particularly painful weekend.  And that gave me the ability to get through yesterday.  Darling A's first birthday--A day I've been dreading for several months now because it somehow marks the end of her infancy for me.  A fact that I am somewhat devastated about.
• Father's Day--not really anything inherently bad here.  A great opportunity to celebrate the wonderful man I married.  Just a little stressful trying to make the day extra special for him and feeling like I just kept hitting the wrong mark with all of my attempts.
• Speaking in church--Initially crazy stressful.  This was a big part of why I was striving so hard for humility.  Anytime I get asked to speak (thankfully, not that often), I want to say something amazing so people look at me and think, "Wow.  She is SO spiritual."  Yes, I get the irony and inappropriateness of this state of mind.  Fortunately, the prayer for humility was answered and the talk I gave seemed to flow right off my tongue--leaving me with no doubt as to where the source of anything inspirational I might have said came from (i.e. not me).
• Conducting the music--This continues to get less stressful, but it was a little awkward spending SO much time in front of the congregation yesterday.
• Playing piano for the Primary children--It was just the prelude and postlude.  When everyone is chatting and trying to get settled and really not paying any attention to the pianist.  But, I was still stressed preparing for it.  I haven't had the chance to play in a long time (until practicing on Saturday) and my skills are quite rusty.  I ended up only playing the first prelude before being replace by much more capable hands, so it really wasn't a big deal.  But, the initial stress was already felt and lived through by then.

Fortunately, the whole day went really well.  Except that Darling A became increasingly sick.  We still managed to get a bunch of sweet pictures of her.  Including this one.

There is so much more to be said, but it's late and I have an early morning followed by a crazy busy day, so I'll have end here.

Day 1195: A New Fishy

Boot camp this morning was fun.  I'm finally starting to feel like I've got some friends there and that's important for me.

I had some fun with the kids in the middle of the day painting our nails.  Yes, all of us.  It was supposed to be just me and Sweet P, but the boys did not want to be left out.  So, we painted their toes and then Baby B painted one hand while I was distracted with Sweet P's nails.  So, he's got one purple hand.   It's nice.  It was fun to hang out with them like that though.

Poor Darling A napped through all the fun.

Tonight HH and I swam laps together.  I tried out a new workout that I got from my sister.  It was killer hard!  But, it was fun to mix things up and have a new swim workout.  And then we got the kids and we all swam together.  It was Darling A's first time swimming.  I thought she might be deterred by the FREEZING cold water.

No.

She was thrilled and delighted.  She could not stop giggling as she splashed to her heart's content.  It was so so so fun to watch her.

I love being a mama.

Day 1194: In Reverse

So, I think I mentioned that a couple of weeks ago I realized that I frequently get down on Sunday evenings, due to a compilation of all kinds of factors.  Well, today I started out already down after last night.

So, HH stuck really closely to the schedule and plan we made to help avoid the Sunday Evening Blues.  And gradually, things started looking up.  It helped that I got to substitute as one of the teachers in Little M's class at church.  So fun to sit in there with him and interact with him.  He was so proud to have me and Darling A there.  I love that it's still cool to have your mom around when you're six.

We capped the evening off with a nice walk around the neighborhood as a family.  We had beautiful weather today.  Seriously amazing and perfect.  And I think I'm doing much better.

Day 1193: Sowing

We had hardly any rain last summer and our yard took a big hit.  Today we finally tackled all of the dead spots--in the rain, no less.  As I shoveled dirt from the wheel barrow into a particularly large dry spot while getting drenched, I reflected that I would much prefer being soaked by rain than by sweat.  Plus, I'm sure the on/off rain we had all day was perfect for helping our new seeds feel at home.

This is a somewhat daunting task we've had on our to-do list ever since the snow thawed.  I can't express what a relief it is to have it done.  Assuming it all "takes" and our lawn actually improves.

The really nice thing is that the past several weeks we have had so much planned to accomplish for the day that we never get close and I finish the day feeling really frustrated by all of the interruptions that naturally occur in the course of the day with four young children.  Today we finished what we wanted to do and I even had time for a shower.

And then HH and I went out for dinner and a movie to celebrate his birthday--a few days late.  It was a really really great evening.  Yummy dinner (pad Thai!) and a fun movie.  And, as always, a really great guy to hold hands and share everything with.

And then we came home and discovered that what we had believed to be water spilled by Baby B on the fitted sheet on our bed was actually some other substance.  That refused to dry.  We are pretty sure it was lotion, but we'll never know for certain.

And it just kind of piled onto the stress of all the other things he has recently destroyed, ruined, wasted, made a mess of.  And then all the other stresses and worries decided to jump on the band wagon... and, well, you can guess where things headed.

Boo.  Horrible end to what had otherwise been a great day.

Day 1192: Workout Buddy

Today ended up being kind of stressful.  Potty training Baby B is getting a little exhausting.  He's doing pretty well, all things considered.  But, I have to follow him around everywhere because he's not as reliable when I let him out of my sight.

So, my house is trashed and I'm getting nothing done and I'm a little tired of sitting on the bathroom floor and reading stories.

I shouldn't say that.  I am grateful for this little boy and the effort he is making to get potty trained and I know it is a blessing to have someone to read stories to in the first place.  Today was just long.

I went to the Open House at the kids' summer camps this morning.  It was fun to have them show me all they've done and learned.  They were pretty proud.  It was a little chaotic because they were happening simultaneously, so I had to keep going back and forth between class rooms, but they seemed to be pretty understanding of my predicament.

Baby B's favorite part was definitely this moment.  And he actually did a pretty good job of being gentle with that poor little snake, too.

So, best thing for the end of a stressful day--HH and I went for a bike ride together.  My first time on a bike since before I got pregnant with Darling A.  Which meant that I slowed to practically a crawl at every turn and corner, but during the straight parts, it was great fun!  And it was just so nice to get out and have a good time with my HH.

Of course, some of that de-stressing was diminished when we got home and couldn't get our new bike rack off of the hitch on the van and I was wondering if we were going to have to somehow saw it off, but, in the end, we figured it out (thank you, The Internet!) and all was well again.

Day 1191: Artifacts

Today was a good day.  Sweet P and Little M have been attending a day camp in the morning every day this week with a couple of their friends.  They are in separate classes and it is good for everyone to get a break from one another.

Plus, they're actually learning quite a bit and having a total blast at the same time.

And it makes focusing on Baby B a whole heap of a lot easier.

So, we're getting into a good routine and it's keeping everyone happy.

Tonight we went to a local history museum with the whole family.  They had all kinds of neat stuff and the kids had so much fun exploring and touching everything.  And it was just really nice to be together.

Day 1190: Celebrating HH

Today was HH's birthday.  Sometimes I think I get more excited for his birthday than he does.  My birthday is a big deal to me, so I can't help but make a big deal out of his.

And for the most part it was a success.

But, a few things went awry.  Because Baby B has finally decided to commit to potty training and that means not letting him out of my sight at all.

He might have pooped outside all over the backyard yesterday morning when I made this mistake.

Good thing we're friends with our neighbors.

Anyway, I love my HH.  It was fun treating him to a special day, even if he would have been happy without it.

And, of course, I'm grateful that he was gracious about the things that didn't turn out as intended.

I love you, HH.